a story of Voice
I am up at 4 this morning because I can’t turn my brain off. I am sitting here thinking of how great this weekend was. I got to catch up with friends and celebrate a little win I had on Friday night.
Friday night was the opening reception for the Elmhurst Artists’ Guild Summer Show. And I was named 2nd place by the judge.
Let me tell you how I got there. I worked on this art piece for 2 weeks. I was not connecting with some of the layers. It was getting to deadline and I even thought I wouldn’t submit anything. That disappointed me because I really wanted to be part of the show. But something was missing. After a last minute mark-making session on the painting with graphite and a few elements added by oil pastels, it came together for me.
Now, I sat back and looked at my very urban-style painting with acrylic and spray paint and I knew this style was going to stand out at the gallery. We have some really talented artists in our guild with realistic paintings, unique concepts, and beautiful Monet-style art. Throughout the process of painting my 30” x 24” canvas, those thoughts would haunt me a bit. Thoughts like “no one is going to “get” this or understand it.”
Thoughts like wanting to tweak it to make a bit more mainstream. And I called those thoughts out for exactly what it was ... Resistance. Resistance to submit was showing up with some strong arguments that my painting wasn’t ready or wasn’t good enough) And on the day before submission, I was feeling extra sassy and not having it from good ‘ol resistance.
After those final marks that made me feel like the whole painting was my true voice and not copied from others, I kindly told resistance to eff off. I varnished that bad boy, installed hanging wire on the back and took it straight to the gallery before I could change my mind.
The opening reception, a week later, was filled with very kind artists all smiles and happy to see everyone’s unique representation of nature. I relaxed more just by everyone’s openness to my painting and asking questions about the mediums I used, my inspiration, and techniques. Overall, I was happy how the night was going and I met many new guild members.
It was time for the award ceremony.
Deep down, my subconscious was praying that the judge would call my name. But on top, I was cool and keeping my expectations at a realistic level as for no disappointment : I was not winning a damn thing and that was completely fine with me
Honorable mentions were called. Then 3rd place. Then for 2nd place, he said he really liked this person’s style and it reminded him of his studio in downtown Chicago. And then he called my name!
I was shocked, elated, in disbelief, and then excited again. And probably went through those emotions another two times.
I felt like I had really stuck to my guns about it being MY voice in this painting and not an adaptation of others’ popular work and style. And I was rewarded for that.
There’s is a big lesson here that I am trying to say. I stayed off the heavy doom scrolling during those 2 weeks I was working on this because I needed it so quiet in my creative brain, that only my ideas were in there for me to pull out. I stood my ground when doubt crept in and tried to get me to make my art more approachable or easier for people to understand. I even added my crazy marks on it that I typically keep to my journals. I didn’t tone down all the bright colors, even though I knew they were competing against each other for the main role.
I just stayed strong through the whole process. And finally, I remembered many of the artists that came before me repeatedly saying “done is better than perfect” and “the faster you put yourself out there, the faster it will get easier”.
My name being called out in a room full of people had tears in my eyes because inside I was giving myself a pat on the back for staying true to me. And that passion and boldness showed through my painting that night.
Stay true to you. You will be seen. You will be heard. And eventually, you will be recognized.
